Good Enough: Counseling in Missoula, MT for overcoming perfectionism
Do you cringe when someone says that something is good enough? Do you feel anxious if you think about leaving a task before you know that you’ve done the absolute best you can? Do you worry about not doing enough for your relationships? If so, you might be falling prey to perfectionism.
Why is being a perfectionist a problem?
Perfectionism isn’t always a problem. LIke many personality traits, perfectionism can manifest in healthy ways and in unhealthy ways. “Perfectionists” are certainly responsible for many great accomplishments across cultures and throughout history.
Perfectionistic tendencies can be a problem when they get in the way of your relationships, your desired balance in life, and your ability to care for yourself. If you are caught up in doing everything perfectly, you might put so much time into one task at the expense of others. It’s possible that the amount of time and effort you spend completing your objective is out of proportion with the importance of the task. For example, you might spend 30 minutes writing, reading, and editing an email to your professor to ask for an extension on an assignment after a family emergency.
Perfectionism can create barriers to getting started on tasks, as well. If you’re worried about doing everything perfectly, it’s sometimes daunting to take the first steps. Imagine a scenario in which you think for hours or even days about the best way to start a project, or you talk to everyone you know before you make a decision.
Perfectionism is the enemy of progress
This famous quote by Winston Churchill reminds us that whether we have difficulty starting something or finishing it, if we expect everything to be perfect we might never get it done. Or at least it might sap so much out of our days and years that we neglect other important areas of our life.
Progress in this case doesn’t have to mean productivity. Another quote, by Voltaire, translates as “The perfect is the enemy of the good.” What if “the good” is your ability to be kind, adventurous, authentic, or courageous? There are many ways to focus on the traits you value most without expecting a perfect outcome.
Imagine if you could show up as a friend, an employee, a parent, or a partner every day, while still making time for yourself. You could let your mind and body rest and enjoy peace at the end of the day, knowing that you tried to be the kind of person you want to be.
What is the 70-30 rule for perfectionism?
I don’t know where it originated from, but this advice makes sense to me. Give 70% of your effort and attention to a task, and let the remaining 30% go. If you’re truly a perfectionist, you might get stuck right there, because you’re wondering who could possibly know what 70% effort is. Try to let that go, too. You know when you’re working so hard and perseverating too much on a task that you start to get burnt out. Practice stopping before you get to that point.
How do I overcome perfectionism? Tips from a counselor in Missoula, Mt
Start with something small.
Set a time limit on a task and once you reach that time, hit “send” or say the thing to your partner, or pick a hotel.
Break things down into smaller tasks. Instead of cleaning the entire house every Saturday, deep clean one room a week and just tidy the others.
Let others help you in this challenge. Release yourself from doing everything correctly by delegating tasks. When you let a friend pick the restaurant or you ask one of your children to set the table, try allowing them to do it without further direction or fixing it afterwards.
Practice making mistakes.
Don’t correct a spelling mistake in a text.
Leave the house two minutes later than you intended for a social gathering.
Put something away in the “wrong” place.
Try things like this in low-stakes situations and notice what happens afterwards. It will usually be okay, and if someone gets annoyed you can always apologize, fix it, or talk about why it matters. Maybe it doesn’t.
Focus on what kind of person you want to be
If you remind yourself about what’s important to you, you might find it easier to think of ways to be compassionate, creative, or present than it is to follow rigid rules about doing everything the “right way.” Come up with your own short list of qualities you want to embody and see how you can commit to those for an hour. The more you do this, the more you will start breaking free from the constraints of perfectionism and begin living a life that is meaningful and fulfilling.
You are good enough
You don’t have to be perfect or to always do your best in order to be the kind of person that you want to be. You deserve to find a way to let go of unrealistic expectations and find peace and fulfillment. If you’re in or near Missoula, MT and you struggle with perfectionism, schedule a free consultation call below and we can talk about how I might help you discover this path.
Anne Graham, LCPC, is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in Missoula, Montana. She offers in-person counseling in Missoula, MT and telehealth for clients throughout Montana. In addition to having a deep interest in the benefits of nature for our well-being, Anne works with people on improving their responses to anxiety, people-pleasing, and perfectionism. Anne uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and incorporates perspectives and strategies from other therapeutic approaches.