Fall - The Art of Letting Go

Your feelings are all over the place.  One day you feel hopeful and calm, the next you can’t muster the resolve to step out of your comfort zone.  You try to talk yourself into staying confident and remembering all the friends and family you have supporting you.  You try to convince yourself that you’ve been successful before and you will be again.  But it only lasts a moment before your anxiety spikes and you’re questioning your abilities and how everyone else sees you.  

in-pERSON AND Online Counseling in Montana FOR When Anxiety Feels Like Montana’s Changing Seasons

This is a lot like autumn here in Montana.  We feel the chill in the morning air even as summer winds down and we know it’s coming.  By the end of the day, though, the sun is shining and it reaches 80 degrees, lifting out spirits and inviting us outside.  Then the breezes blow through town and you can feel the chill again, just like you know that you’re going to feel nervous the next time you need to make a request, make a decision, or make a change.  Many of my counseling clients in Missoula, MT recognize this rhythm in their lives.

These changes in your emotions are as natural as the changing seasons.  Fall is a time of transition; that’s why it’s so easy to liken it to a day in our lives or one week of good things happening followed by a week of Murphy’s Law.  “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong,”  including your seemingly unmanageable feelings, external forces that you can’t control, or the choices you have to stand by and watch people in your life make.  Then you’re suddenly feeling better, doing the things you care about, getting affirmation from the people around you and from yourself.

Anxiety in particular is much like fall.  Even though you experience a good day, a good week, maybe even a good month, you are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When is everything you worked hard to cultivate going to wither and die?  You know that these good times won’t last forever and you dread that change.  In the fall, you sometimes feel trepidation at the reminders of darkness and cold, but you forget them once you get out into the light and embrace what the season has to offer. 

Your Nervous System’s Natural Cycles

These smaller cycles that happen every day in the fall are similar to our nervous systems.  One moment you feel restless and agitated; you are in “fight or flight” mode.  The next, especially if you have tools to sit with those feelings and center yourself, you’re able to enter the phase of “rest and digest,” in your sympathetic nervous system.  This cycle happens in all of us, but if it seems like you’re spending too much time hiding, avoiding, running away, or irritated, therapy may help you go through these cycles with more ease. 

What Autumn shows Us About Change

Autumn is a time of gathering and preparation, as people throughout millennia have hunted, harvested, and stored food for the winter ahead.  It’s a time of release, as we see the precious last blooms on the flowers before they fall to the ground.  You can take this time to recognize, notice, and allow the cycles in your life to come and go, releasing old habits and what no longer serves you as you prepare for rest. Like the larch trees that drop their needles and create a beautiful golden pathway, you can let go of perfectionism, pressure, and making others happy, with the result of  seeing what new paths are available to you. 

As you encounter unfamiliar or uncomfortable feelings or situations, remember that what your body feels as restlessness or fear doesn’t mean there is a threat.  Nature knows this.  You can learn to allow the feelings, to move through the discomfort, and to welcome change as an opportunity for something new.  In your relationships, this could signify moving from one role into another.  From being a child to relating to your parents as an adult, or even becoming their caregiver as they age.  From being a parent who has close contact with their child to serving as a resource and sometimes serving as a friend.  Or friendships that fade away, making room for new people in your life as you grow and evolve.  This doesn’t mean that you’ve failed.  It’s are a natural part of the seasons of your life, as you let go of what is withering. 

Ready for Support?  In-person or online counseling in Montana can help 

As you find yourself questioning whether you’re doing the right thing, not knowing what comes next, and resisting anything new, you may benefit from finding someone to walk alongside you as you gain new skills for weathering this season.  Rather than fighting the changes, you can learn how to recognize natural fluctuations in your emotions and in your life, building your capacity to find more presence and meaning.

If you’re looking for ideas or support to address these concerns, reach out to me at (406) 924-3445 for a free 15-minute phone consultation.  We’ll talk about how I might be able to help you work through these issues through in-person or online counseling in Montana.  I help Millennials with anxiety and clients who struggle with people-pleasing and perfectionism learn tools to deal with altered roles and responsibilities, setting boundaries, and making changes that allow them to do what matters to them even when anxiety shows up.