What Summer Teaches Us About Boundaries, Burnout, and Unmet Expectations

The summer is coming to an end.  You try to squeeze in every last bit of fun to make up for all the activities you didn’t get around in the past three months, because before you know it, you won’t be able to do them for a long time.  You fret over all the things you had planned to do this summer but that you didn’t.  

Letting Go of Summer (and Everything You Meant to Do)

You started summer energized and hopeful that you would make it even better than last year. You were full of self-imposed expectations.  As the season marched on you started to feel pressure to fit everything in, because it won’t be like this forever.  So you push through, make plans every weekend, do things on the weeknights, and say yes to everything, even though you are feeling exhausted and stressed.

Similarly, you had so many plans for your life up to this point.  The people you wanted to have around, where you would be in your career, grand schemes for taking care of yourself, trips you would take.  You worked so hard to get to this point; you thought you would have it figured out by now.  But reality hits and you realize what has passed you by and how life might change with new responsibilities.  As you head into the fall, or into the next chapter of your life, it’s hard to let go of the dreams that you had for yourself in this season.  It didn’t all go as you had planned.

When "Making the Most of It" Becomes Pressure

You have a feeling that’s similar to summer… you don’t want to go back into a sad place or a difficult time; you want it to be “summer” forever.  Just like you feel the pressure in Missoula to do all the outdoor activities, you also feel the pressure to live sustainably, champion just causes; to parent in the most evolved, perfect way; to have a meaningful career that pays enough money to have fun and also be responsible.  These are the times when you feel like you have to live up to others’ expectations, even if they aren’t overtly pressuring you.  You want to meet the bar of being social, intellectual, active, fun, and still have time to yourself and to rest.  It feels like you’re caught up in the wave of everyone else’s plans and desires.

So you dread the coming winter (with an exception for winter sports lovers), when you can’t get outside and do the things you love.  As you think of slowing down, you feel antsy, uneasy about the fact that you haven’t accomplished enough. 

The Natural Rhythm of Expansion and Retreat

Even the most active season has rhythms of expansion and retreat; in the midst of summer, or a summer-like time, we need rest and time to ourselves.  There’s nothing wrong with feeling the gradual slowing into the fall and winter.  As the animals and plants forage and frolic before the weather turns, we build up our resources and prepare for the cooler air and the shorter days. That’s the natural rhythm of life, with ups and downs, activity and rest.  

So in the summer, when the planting is done, school is out, the days are long, and freedom and possibilities abound, remember that although it comes to an end, you don’t have to do it all.  Likewise, though you might want to live life to the fullest and make the most of your time here, you are a human who, just like the animals and plants, needs to do what’s best for you, take time to recover, and let your body and mind shift gears until the next season of vitality and joy.

You’ve had trouble letting go of summer because you didn’t do it all, and you find it hard to let go of what you missed out on.  You’ve tried to keep up with everyone around you, worried that you’ll be left out if you say “no.”  You dread the loss of carefree and happy times, knowing that at some point you’re going to be stuck or enter a time of uncertainty.  

Doing Too Much, Holding On Too Tight - Find Counseling in Missoula, MT

If you’re looking for ideas or support to address these concerns, reach out to me at (406) 924-3445 for a free phone consultation.  I’ll talk with you about how I might be able to help you work through these familiar issues.  I help Millennials with anxiety and clients who struggle with people-pleasing and perfectionism learn tools to deal with altered roles and responsibilities, setting boundaries, and making changes that allow them to do what matters to them even when anxiety shows up.